The Sound of the Heart

What can the sound of my heart tell me? A myriad! It knows it all better than I know myself. When I try to hide from life, people, hurts, and insecurities, my heart is perfectly aware. Not my mind - it invents things in the spur of the moment, and cannot be trusted with accuracy. But the heart, it knows! 

Today it told me that it seeks tranquility. Every day since we’ve been sheltering at home, soon to be two full months, I get up pretty early in the morning, ready to start the day with a quiet vigor. For the first time today the joyful energy was not there to spring me out of bed. I tried to figure out what sucked the juice out of me, but I couldn’t point my finger to anything or anybody. Yet, it was revealing to see that my first reaction still was to look for something as a culprit, anything beyond me. Maybe my heart just craved calmness for a change. Maybe it needed the velvety stillness of the night to last longer. Instead, I fed it coffee to forcefully jumpstart it - from the outside. It didn’t go along with the illusion. It stayed quiet, keeping the slow pace, not interested in being lured into fake joy. It longed for peace, and it was determined to hold onto it. 

I finished my first Zoom class, challenging in its virtual imperfection and human interaction limitations. That didn’t do the trick, as it usually does, of working as a defibrillator. My heart just wanted to listen today. It didn’t need to play and jump with glee. I’ll go along with it. This time is my turn to notice its yearning. I have two more yoga classes to teach. Typically, I brim with energy, hoping to make it contagious for my students. Today I won’t be forcing my heart to do anything in deceit. I’ll listen. We’ll listen together, hearing the silence in the warm air filling up the yard. We’ll listen to the sun caressing the birds’ feathers. We’ll hear the blooms falling and flying away with the charming breeze, while the green heads of the future fruits wistfully look behind them. We’ll listen, my heart and I, for the vibrations between the unspoken words, for the opportunities after the unfulfilled desires, for the breathing of the Universe that keeps the rhythm for us. We’ll listen until the stillness becomes us. And then, we’ll just be.